No Regrets: Jesus Changed My Life

Jesus will truly change your life if you allow him. Change, at the same time, is proactive and constant... You have to walk in the change and not allow yourself to go back *cue William McDowell's "I Won't Go Back"*

For years, I was saved but I was not proactive in growing and changing for the better. Spiritually, I was headed to heaven, but did my life reflect it? Absolutely not. So I formed habits and did things contrary to my spiritual life change. Let's say that I grew up as Jameka#2 or "UnJameka"... lol neither is catchy, but you get what I'm trying to say? I allowed myself to grow up as someone who I was not, and I was good at being this person. I went through high school and college as this person; creating friends who liked this version of me, creating sinful habits as this person, even though I really knew better. The picture is me during my freshman year at karaoke night.

The summer after my sophomore year (or my junior year?) in college, God tugged on my heart and stopped me in tracks. Like, I will just never forget it. I was driving to my big sister's house and just started crying... I knew in that moment that God was convicting me about my wrong, choosing to wallow in my sin for so long instead of getting right... I remember calling a friend in tears saying that I had to transfer back home because God was telling me that I had gone too far without any Christian accountability and being away from home only made things worse. None of my friends could really relate to what I was saying when I shared this, so I convinced myself that I was crazy and stopped talking about it.

A month or so later (or a year later? lol), I was at our church youth conference, and my pastor's message was all about serving God for yourself, being proactive and not dependent on anyone else for your relationship with God. It was in that moment that I knew that I couldn't continue in the direction I was going... I was unsure about how to just leave college and not finish when I was so close to the end. I prayed about it, and God just worked it OUT! I had joined a sorority my freshman year that I allowed to become an idol in my life and it consumed my time. God blocked a chance for me to move WAYY up in the leadership of the sorority and allow it to be even more of an idol in my life, and it made me quite salty towards the sorority and its leadership, because I didn't realize that God had done it for my good. This freed up my time. Then, that Fall, I had to do a pre-student teaching experience all summer where my classes were off campus. I had moved off of campus too, so I was completely secluded from what had bound me in the past. Isn't that just like God? Only God can keep us in a situation physically while taking us out of it spiritually at the same time. That Spring, I decided to go home to complete my student teaching/final semester, so I was completely away from college and back home, growing spiritually, and being detoxed from all the filth that I had grown to walk in.

When I returned home, I had to make new friends, because all of my friends were still in college. I become stronger in ministry at my church too. I remember going back to college that semester for a weekend, and it was so different. Like, I no longer felt embraced by those who I called my BFFs... I couldn't relate to the college life anymore. It was such an adjustment! I couldn't handle that along with change and the removal of sin, also may come severed relationships. To be honest, I felt so lonely. I'm JUST now starting to realize what happened and how God has orchestrated all of it. For awhile, I fought to try to keep those relationships and relapsed at times, and they kind of just... fell apart, along with others.

You see, when a friendship is formed at a time when you're one way, and you grow up and change, that friendship HAS to fall apart because you aren't who you used to and the bond no longer can continue in your newness. It's like, me and clothes right now... lol. I used to be wearing mediums, but I've picked up some weight and now I have to put the mediums to the side in exchange for larges because I'm not who I used to be lol.  (This picture is me at a party during my freshman year)

Change is uncomfortable, but so needed. God is constantly molding us, shaping us for what He has ordained and allowed; preparing us for greater. Recently, I was invited to one of my sorority sister's wedding, and to be honest, I was apprehensive about going. Literally, the thought alone made me sick, not because of my sister, but just at the thought of having to face my past. You see, that's how things should be though. Going back to the past should make us sick if we know that God has truly changed us and brought us out of a situation. We don't want to go back! The Bible says in Isaiah 43:18-19, "Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old."  We can't afford to! I was nervous that everyone would only want to talk about the past and who I was when I wasn't me. I didn't want to reminisce. You have to guard against wallowing in the past; you don't live there anymore!

I went into serious prayer about it, and God comforted me! I felt as though He was saying, there's purpose! Don't be scared! People need to see that you have changed!

Sometimes we HAVE to go back and face the past, not because we belong there, but to show that we DON'T belong there and that God can change lives. God gets the glory out of a changed life! Someone needs to see that you've been delivered!

Whew! It was such a great experience! Like, the closure that I felt! And God blessed! No one approached me and wanted to dwell in the past. People asked how I was doing and what I had been up to, and I think my responses showed that I had changed. I used to be known as the party girl who was always drunk at the parties too. I didn't drink... I barely danced... I was fully clothed lol. I left just, in awe, at how God has worked; seriously. One of my big sisters and I drove there together and we talked for hours and she commented on how she could tell that I had changed. It's a great feeling when people comment about how you change!

I'm so unapologetic for how I have changed! Yes, I've dropped some friendships and some have just fallen to the wayside... I've stopped texting people... I've stopped going out as much... My self-mandated curfew is 10:00 because I can't stay awake past that lol and I'm NOT SORRY! Change has come. God has changed me. He's changed my interests and my desires. He's changed my preferences and my hobbies, and every day with Him becomes sweeter and sweeter.

Never apologize for how God has changed you! 2 Corinthians 5:17 says, " Therefore if any man [be] in Christ, [he is] a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new."

Growing More and More Each Day,

Dear God, Thank You for change! Thank You for forgiveness and redemption! Thank You for being a God of 2nd, 3rd, and 500 chances! You are SO GOOD! Thank You for conviction to get right, and acceptance to bring us back to You when we've gone astray! I pray for anyone reading this who is struggling with changing and getting their life together! Sin is a REAL thing! Strongholds are real things! Satan is a real thing! But so are You!  Help them get right and walk, unapologetically, in their true self that You have called them to be!

 William McDowell- I Won't Go Back
Amber Bullock- Changed (Feat. Isaac Carree)