Dear Single Me

UPDATED 02/22/16- See related post, Dear Future Husband

One of my favorite songs is Encourage Yourself by Donald Lawrence. Its lyrics are inspired by 1 Samuel 30:6 which says, "And David was greatly distressed;... but David encouraged himself in the Lord his God." That's so potent to me. The world can be caving in all around you, but if you can encourage yourself based on the promises of God and the relationship you have with Him, there is NOTHING that you can't do. It WILL change your situation. Such is the case with the body of this post.

Dear Single One,

Did you ever think that you'd be here? 25 without one measly prospect of a spouse? Yeah me either. Could you believe that everyone else around you, exes and the ratchet girls included, would be headed to the altar or already married? No? Me either. Did you ever think you'd be writing open letters to yourself online? Did you ever think that you'd go through spasmodic and frequent moments of feelings discouraged, forgotten, and worthless because of it? Did you ever think you would be consumed by your singleness, agonizing over whether or not something was wrong with you for you to be unnoticed by the men around you?

What if I told you all of that was a tool of the devil? Tools to make you forget exactly how much God loves you, cares for you, and what He has promised you? Tools that make you forget just how powerful and purposeful He is? You see, you stay up worrying about how everyone else is married and having babies and then you try to figure out who you can convince to love you, but don't you know that God said, "Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee...." (Jeremiah 1:5)... "For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29: 11) You're totally not forgotten. God always has and always will have a plan for your life, a perfect mate, and a perfect purpose; just wait. The devil will try to convince you that something's wrong with you because you're the only person around still single, and that will cause you to try to awaken your Adam before the time that God has ordained for you. That's not what you want. Don't you trust that God can do above all you ask or think?!

You see, your view is sooooo limited. "Eye hath not seen, nor ear heart, neither have entered into the heart of man the things which God hath prepared for them that love Him." (1 Corinthians 1:9) You love fairy tales, boo. I know. But even the most perfect man and marriage that you think of through your earthly lens is no match for what God has for you! REST! I know, I know... It's hard. When you look at your surroundings, instead of looking at Him, you will prematurely seek fulfillment in something He hasn't ordained. Seriously, look back to your past. There's been a dozen faux "Adams", or so you thought. Seriously- you need to be thanking God daily that He didn't give you what you desired for yourself. You've made marriage an idol and continue to do so, and sought after so many guys and relationships to fulfill what God has not called you to yet. Thank GOD that He closed the door before you ended up married and legally bound to those guys in the past.You're terrible at choosing relationships! LOL. You see, you were hurt that they chose someone else to have their hand in marriage, but you have to understand, just as God has the perfect mate for you, God has the perfect mate for them, and it wasn't you, no matter how much you "tried to fit a square peg into a round hole". God loves each and every one of us, and wants the best for each of us, so you can't get mad at "her" for "taking" your man... God never called you to him; you did. He wasn't yours. God told you he wasn't, but you kept pressing forward, despite conviction that told you to move on. You only have yourself to blame for that, but you gotta get over it. You can't get mad because you invested 10 years in him; God didn't call you to that, you did. The other guy- bae? Well, "Bae" served his season in your life. I know that hurts- it hurts to right it. Let go. You can't cling to him anymore. Have you ever thought that clinging to someone that God has told you to let go of is disobeying God? Have you thought about how you holding on to that relationship is hurting God because you won't heed His word and leading? He may be perfect on paper for you, but your paper is no match for God's. Sorry. I know, it hurts. But you have to let go of your off-brand will, and trade it in for God's state of the art will. God has purposed something so special in you, I believe it. You're gifted with something that's going to be uniquely necessary for the cause of Christ; it's going to take a mate that can speak to that, enhance it, encourage you in it, and support you in it. So while "Bae" may have been perfect from your human standpoint, God wants to make sure your help-meet is the perfect match to support you from a spiritual standpoint, and only God truly knows the spiritual state of our heart.

You know, when God calls you to something, you know it. You don't have to question it. You don't have to chase it. You don't have to beg for it or convince it to stick around. No one will be able to convince you otherwise. If God said it, it will happen! Esther never begged for the throne; it was preordained for "such a time as this". Ruth didn't have to beg Boaz to marry her, but she also had to go through trials to get to that moment, but before Boaz started the formal process to marry her, Ruth already knew that it would be so. Joseph never had to beg for elevation, in the midst of his persecution ("Ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good..." Genesis 50:20). Society tries to make it seem like if you aren't married by 25, you're a loser, but divorce, homosexuality, murder, transgender, fornication, etc. etc.  in our society is also commonplace, so can you really look to society to dictate where you should be in life? You're worried, but God's not. You're in a state of panic, but God's not. His perfect plan for you has been established and hasn't changed. Why won't you rest in that? You are in this world, but not of this world. God's got you!

Rest, Sis. Rest. You're only hurting yourself and driving yourself crazy. God has yet to break a sweat, regardless of how much you try to speed up His plan for you. You are a hamster on a hamster wheel; moving so fast like you have somewhere to be, yet going nowhere. "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purposes under the heaven:" (Ecclesiastes 3:1-22). See, the great thing about serving the God of the Universe is that He sees things from a bird's eye view, whereas we just have tunnel vision. We see the here and now, but He has a zoomed out view. While you may be discouraged that you don't even have a prospect for a relationship, 1) you can't see that this time period is preparing you for your next season, 2) you keep forgetting how much you need to work on yourself, one-on-one with God, before He allows you to forsake all things and cleave to your husband as one flesh, 3) you're forgetting that He's GOD! He has the whole world in your hand. SIT DOWN, CHIL'! 

Instead of spending so much time crying pouting and moping about how you're single, have you thought about:
1) Praying that God will allow you to rest and take in your moment of single-dom

2) You will never be in this stage again where you can devote all of your time to God. DO SOMETHING with your single-dom to impact others for the Kingdom. There's a reason that you haven't been called to a time-consuming family yet. USE IT WISELY!

3) Praying that God will keep you sensitive to the areas you need to work on as a single before you're married. Marriage is a privilege. Treat it as such; it's not a right. How about you learn to be content daily in Christ first? Learn that marriage should not be an idol, and watch how God will change everything for you.

4) Sit at His feet. Spend one-on-one time with God. Talk to Him. Build your relationship with Him. Have you ever thought that maybe God craves time with you, alone, now, because of all of the years you silenced Him by following after your own desires and lusts? God desires the praise and worship of His creatures.

5) There may be things about you that aren't right yet, so just as God has purposed someone for you,you are purposed for them. Just maybeeee, God wants you at a specific point in your life before He gifts them with you. So maybe you should stop relapsing in all of the struggle areas of your life, get victory of your soul ties and sins, so that God can gift you with your Adam once you, Eve, are perfectly ready to be his help meet.

God knows best, girl. I know you think that you do lol (You may not say it, but your actions are showing it), but you have no idea. God is so perfectly perfect in His planning of our lives. He knows the end and His desire for you; you have no clue. Don't you believe that His plan is going to be far better than yours? Don't you just get giddy even thinking about the possibilities? So why can't you be still and know that He is God? Stop allowing the devil to distract. Be great. Be used for God. And then watch Him lead right into exactly what He has for you.

  • Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct thy paths."
  • Romans 8:28- "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose."
  • Isaiah 58:11- "And the Lord shall guide thee continually, and satisfy thy soul in drought, and make fat thy bones: and thou shalt be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water, whose waters fail not."
  • Psalm 27: 14- "Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord."

You, my dear, are so much better than what you even realize. You have been created to do so much more than wallow in what society reminds you that temporarily aren't. Do not allow society to convince you that you are less than or devalued. Christ died for you! You are worth it! God has very adamantly created you for purposeful and intentional reasons; do not be deterred based on what man has decided you should be. Rest. Be used. Grow. Prosper.

You are loved. Your Adam is coming, but let him first  find you resting in the arms of God.

Dear God, I needed this. You're so unwavering and unchanging. You want to see me happy and have created a purposeful plan for me, but I'm so worried about my life in comparison to others that I lead my own self down paths of distraction instead of walking patiently alongside you. Keep me cognizant of your will and your promises. Encourage me, O God. Grow me, O God. Keep me still, O God. Move me out of the way so that all I see are Your steps and Your direction. Help me not to be consumed by the inadequacies that society bestows on singles. Teach me to be content, walking hand-in-hand with you. You are my desire; I want to be completely in love with You, God. Change my focus. In Jesus' name, I pray. Amen.

Casey J- Fill Me Up
Chante Moore- Jesus, I Want You
Kiera Sheard- Desire