Unashamedly YOU, Unashamedly ME: Free to Be You and Me

With all of the pressures of this world, it's easier to LOSE yourself, than to truly KNOW yourself and know what God has for you. The Bible says in Jeremiah 1:5, "Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations." Meaning, your purpose was predetermined before you even knew who you were. WOW!

Here's where it gets messy. Whatever (hu)man touches, he messes up. We get caught up in all that this world falsely has to offer and in our unknowing attempt to "help" God form us, we get in the way of what He already determined for us. This results in us having no clue who we are, feeling a void, which results in filling a void.

For some, the road to finding themselves is longer than others. My road has been LONG! I mean, where was the shortcut? lol. You see, your journey in finding yourself has to parallel in your journey in finding and submitting to God and allowing Him to lead you.

I was saved at the age of 13. Getting saved young is great! For many, it means starting your Christian faith early enough to build a sound foundation and not having to be susceptible to the despair of this world that so many Christians who are saved later in life know all too well, but for me, it was tricky because I was entering my teenage years going directly against the grain and directly against what everyone else was doing. I was wearing baggie tshirts and pants, right around the time everyone else was dressing to fit their newly budding overdeveloped bodies lol. As I was becoming entrenched with the things of God, the other girls were becoming entrenched with hormones and chasing boys. I was acting holy in church because I knew I was supposed to, but every other day of the week, I was chasing after the world because that was more popular than my Christian faith, which was downright lonely at times. Giving in to peer pressure, I soon lived a double life. I mean, to my "church family and friends", I was hypocritically unrecognizable when I was at school. In fact, I overcompensated to fit in... I mean, I paired curse words together that just made no sense lol. I snuck mini skirts and revealing shirts ( I mean, exactly what were they revealing lol!) in my backpacks and changed in the bathroom. I skipped class to socialize with people that I now avoid. One thing led to the next and it was just a downward spiral. I dumbed myself down for sin. Humbly, I believe that God has gifted me with intellect that I'm just now growing to fully understand, but I dumbed myself down in high school. I could have taken all AP classes, but I wanted to be in classes with all the cute black boys who just weren't in the AP classes. I was over being the token in the gifted classes, so I let go of my academics and just pursued my social life.

As I got into high school, I was just full fledged WRONG. God did NOT call me to be playing dumb, acting worldly, chasing boys (and I never chased the good ones... the boys I chased and the path I went down... *shutters*)... I sought fulfillment in that. I neglected my spiritual growth. I mean, completely stunted. If I was saved at age 13 and had grown nonstop spiritually, I should have the knowledge of a 13 year old Christian and have growth to reflect it. MAYBBEEEE I have the knowledge and APPLICATION to equal a 5 year old Christian right now. I robbed myself of some years (kicks rock). Am I a perfect Christian? PFFT. By no means. I'm just a sinner saved by grace and it's the grace of God that I'm even able to stand here writing to you, virtually unharmed, after being dragged through the mud of sin.

So the fullness from God was missing, and I sought to fill it with the world. Those DO NOT equate. Can I say that again? THEY DO NOT EQUATE! To quantify it, 1,000 pounds of the world could not even equate to 1 pound of God. It just doesn't!

It took me, literally, like 10+ years to truly LET GO of all that I chased after in the world and realize that there is NOBODY GREATER and NO ONE MORE FILLING than God! Oh my goodness, like, it's indescribable!

I was a slave to keeping this guy and that guy in my life for no other reason than filling an emptiness that stayed empty. I literally allowed my void-seeking to create an addiction that I'm still feeling the consequences of.(Did you know that you can be addicted to sin? That alone should cause you to hesitate before you get involved with sin) Instead of fulfillment, I honestly felt WORSE... temporary satisfaction is like a high. Eventually you come down and have to do it again in order to feel the same temporary happiness. Seeking worldly desires will take you farther than you ever wanted and keep you longer than you intended, it's not worth it!

Don't go on a journey trying to help God shape you and form you. He's been doing it. He did it before you were born! He's been in the life changing, life forming business longer than anyone could ever quantify.

Rest, chil'. God does not have to reveal to you how He's going to use you. If you look at examples in the Bible, I cannot think of an example where God immediately revealed His full fledged plan to someone and what He was going to do with them. Usually, He revealed His plan over time to them because it was usually contingent on their obedience and full surrender to what He first told them Don't mistake what you ignorantly see as God taking His time or forgetting to lead you as a reason for God needing your help in planning your life. He DOES NOT. Rest in Him. Wait in expectancy for what He will do through you and how He's going to do it! God is teaching me this and can I just say that I'm literally GIDDY at the thought of the greater that is coming in my life and how God is going to take the life that I messed up my own self and use it for His good! I'm literally still in awe that I could have been such a detriment for the cause of Christ and He would still see fit to still use me despite of me turning to the world and clowning.

God is teaching me to just be still. I'm such a planner and just anxious and need an answer for everything. When I go on vacations, my friends get mad because I need the itinerary at the start of the day so I can plan my meals, my breaks, my naps, etc. lol. That's just me lol! But God is all knowing. He doesn't need my help, so join me in resting. Sit at His feet and just wait in expectancy for all the wonderful things He will do in you and through you in His perfect time. Psalm 46:10b says,"Be still, and know that I am God:" Put this verse into practice and surrender your desire for His desires for you. WATCH HIM WORK!

Sitting Still,

Dear God, I thank you! FOR EVERYTHING! You are worthy of continuous praise. If you didn't do anything else, salvation is enough! Using me in spite of my clowning and my straying is ENOUGH! I'm just grateful. Thank you for anyone that reads this, I pray first that they may believe on your Son and be saved, and I pray that you free them of any sin that binds them. Lord, don't let them create their own addiction that takes them away from you. Lord, help people to understand that the devil is real and sin is real. Help them not take sin lightly and be proactive in guarding against it. Help me be an example and encouragement to others however you see fit. In Jesus' name I pray, AMEN!