The older I get, the more content I become in who I am and who I’m becoming AND the older I get, the more grace I offer myself on this life’s journey. It hasn’t always been that way (and sometimes, I still waver); my internal battles with insecurity have been the culprit of so many detrimental life decisions.
I think everyone struggles with insecurity, to some extent, but growing up, insecurity basically ruled my life. Most of my decisions came from it. My teenage and early 20’s was plagued with looking to the wrong people for validation, comparing myself to others, idolizing other people, despising who I was, seeking validation from sex, alcohol, wrong relationships, toxic relationships, toxic friendships: insecurity was the root, and most of my actions were attempts to fill the hole that came from being unsure of myself.
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God’s Intentionality
It wasn't until I wholeheartedly pursued a relationship with God, that had been lying dormant, that I truly recognized how loved I am and how secure I can be when I’m aware of that.
13 For it was you who created my inward parts;[b]you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I will praise you because I have been remarkably and wondrously made.[c][d]Your works are wondrous,and I know this very well.
15 My bones were not hidden from you when I was made in secret,when I was formed in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw me when I was formless; all my days were written in your book and planned before a single one of them began. (Psalm 139:13-16)
When you’re anchored in the intentionality of your creation and that God thought the world needed a YOU so He created YOU, you start to understand how insecurity is such a trick from the enemy that distracts you from the fullness of life. If the devil can make you unsure of who you are, he can truly get you to destroy your life by walking away from God's purpose for creating you. Now, as an adult, this awareness helps keep me mindful that I can catch and cast down thoughts of insecurity so that they don’t wreck my life as an adult.
Guard your heart above all else, for it is the source of life (Proverbs 4:23)
A Sports Analogy: Be Vigilant
Think about the games of baseball or even kickball. You have 1 person who is projecting the ball (pitcher), who is on the offense, and you have those in the field who are trying to catch what’s being thrown at them as defense. Defense is watching; they’re in position and ready to catch the ball when it comes near them. Have you ever seen those people, out in the field, out in laa laa land not focused on the ball? Those were the ones you didn’t want on your team because the ball would come near them and they couldn’t even see it. They’d miss it, and the opponent would score a point. It’s exactly the same thing when it comes to your spiritual life. You have to recognize that the enemy is throwing curve balls at you to get you to give in to the temptations of being insecure, and each time you don’t catch what he’s throwing you, he’s scoring a point to stop you from being victorious and winning in life. He wants you to fall prey to comparing yourself to others, being within toxic relationships, and so much more so that you can be distracted by the need to be validated and affirmed to take any steps forward in life.
- That new friend that just introduced themselves? They could be the enemy's curveball.
- That job promotion that will cause you to have no work-life balance? That could be the enemy's curveball.
- That new love interest that approached you or that you want to approach? What if they're actually the enemy's attempt to get you enslaved to someone else's baggage and generational strongholds?
Missed and Mistaken Opportunity
What if you have a mind that can find the cure for cancer, but you don’t realize that friend you look to to affirm your decisions who tells you to pursue modeling instead of med school is actually a shot the devil is throwing to get you out from going into the field God created you for?
Be sober-minded, be alert. Your adversary the devil is prowling around like a roaring lion, looking for anyone he can devour (1 Peter 5:8)
The Power of Self-Awareness
When you recognize the spiritual threat on your life, you learn to live life on the defense, not offense. This means you have to really know yourself, know your triggers, and be honest with yourself. Certain situations or times of the month are more triggering for me than others; I own that.. Because I know that I still sometimes default to needing affirmation when I’m unsure of myself or that certain people’s words may hold more weight than they should, I check in with myself and say, “What about today’s meeting or your mood might make you more susceptible to being validation seeking?”
I think about situations I’m in where I have to be intentional that when I see something coming that could bring up old insecurities that could cause me to compare myself to others.. Ain’t no devil finna score points on me. Because of my love for God, His love for me AND my understanding of it, I just know when the devil is throwing those curveballs at me to make me insecure and unsure. I’m ready to catch them before they can take root in my heart and lead me into an action that’s coming from insecurity. Sometimes, I’ll be in a meeting, and I may get tempted to feel rejected when someone doesn’t like my idea. I have to catch those things. I pray about those things every day, in anticipation, like, “Holy Spirit, Help me to be more aware of feelings of insecurity and feelings of rejection. Help me catch them.”
Self-Awareness Anchored In A Relationship with God
You cannot cast anything down, if you’re not aware of what’s even being thrown at you to recognize it’s a trick of the enemy. This means, you have to truly know who you are in God AND be content that your calling isn’t the same as your neighbor’s. You may not know all that He says about you and desires for you, but you have to actively be pursuing Him and reading His word to know what He says so that you can recognize what counteracts His intention for you. If I have an idea that I’m tempted to say “This sucks. I cannot win this situation. I’m over it. It’s stupid. ” I have to stop and say, “No, no. I will not speak defeat over my life. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Even in my mother’s womb, God knew me and pursued me because He has plans to prosper me, not to harm me.” CC: Podcast Episode 7: “Drop Those Fries! Combatting Temptations with the Word of God”
Affirmation From God as Ammo Against Insecurity:
CATCH.
I have to make time to sit with God. The times that I don’t sit with God, I’m missing opportunities to hear from Him and be reminded of how He loves me. The more I’m praying daily, the more I’m able to recognize the lies when the devil comes my way because I understand that God loves me, that He sent His son to die for me, that even in my worst mistakes, He still pursues me. Because I rest in those things,when I get in my feelings and am tempted to say, “Jameka, you’re not good enough.” or “People are going to think ___ about you,” I’m able to catch those things like, “Nope. That can’t be right because I know what God just said about me today, yesterday, and last month. He has already gone before me and made a way. I’m stepping into this thing with assurance.”
CAST DOWN.
First catch (recognize) the thought, then throw it to the side. Casting it down is like saying, “Nope. I reject you. You’re not going to prosper over me. Not going to happen.”
In sports, combating the opposing team’s attempt to score a point requires strategy and resilience. Spiritually, this looks like being filled with scriptures of what God says about you, and even knowing stories from the Bible. I rest in the fact that the God I know today, is unchanging, and He is the same God of the Bible. I can read a story in the Bible, see someone’s victory in their life, and walk with boldness because I serve the same God of their outcome.
One story that sticks out to me so much is that of Leah. She was so insecure, emotional, and compared herself constantly to her sister. Leah tried to have countless babies to get attention from her husband to love and validate her. She did all of these crazy things... 7 children trying to get validation! God pursued her even though she did all of these things to fill voids. God used her children to accomplish mighty things in the earth (Levi and Judah). If God can use her in her mess, God can use me in mine. He loved her, he pursued her; All of her attempts to fill voids, He used them for her well-being, so I’m able to cast down thoughts that are detrimental to me walking in who God wants me to be because I rest in the fact of who God says I am and what He has confirmed to me.
Be aware. Be cognizant. Be vigilant. Be mindful of how the devil wants to attack you and throw those curveballs at you. Be ready to catch them and cast them down.
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